Sunday, August 5, 2012

The Long and the Shorts of It

Shorts are one summer staple that consistently changes in length from year to year. Whether it's the knee-length bermudas that were all the rage just a few summers ago, the classic 5'' chinos from JCrew, or the cheek-grazing denim cutoffs that continue to infuriate us who do not, in fact, enjoy showing the underside of our backside, (mainly because no one wants to see that anyway)
Exhibit A

So with all of these differing lengths of shorts happening simultaneously, how is one to know which to pair with which situation? For me, there are some rules that are set in stone:

1. Denim cutoffs can never, and should never, be "dressed up" by adding stilettos or any sort of heel.

2. Those under 5'3 should reconsider the bermuda short trend, because it does nothing but cut off your leg line and make you appear frumpy.

3. Just because of some fabric in the middle, doesn't mean you can go shorter with shorts than you would with skirts.

4. In reference to #2, if you are trying to dress up a pair of shorts, ensure that they are of appropriate length, not made of denim, and are paired with an appropriate top, (if they're short, go with long sleeves or a conservative neckline)

5. The shorter the short, the lower the heel. You basically will look like a hooker if you reverse this ratio.
Sorry, Emma Roberts, I guess the hooker look runs in the family!
Aside from my sufficiently lame "Pretty Woman" reference above, I hope that this was helpful, and that the world will start to continue without the heinous atrocities committed against shorts.

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